Tuesday, September 09, 2008
Halo, i know i have not been posting lately. lol. Today i saw someone with a big white bear. It's her birthday present from her classmate. To speak the true, when i saw it, i was quite jealous. Almost every years since Primary School, expect only in P6, sec 3 and last year did i recieve more than 2 presents from my friends.
Not sure why, suddenly i felt so blue. On the surface, i have a lot of friends but who can i really open up to? Since young, i always wonders, do my friends befriend me for other benefits or 'bagus lobang' or was it cause they enjoy having me in their company? To speak the truth, i won't dare to ask this question to them, what if their answer is not the latter. Do i still keep in contact with them? Or should i ask myself, are those humans out there that i consider friends really my friends? Will they understand what i want without me asking? Think all these will be a mystery unless i am willing to ask. But i don't dare to, reason? If those friend that really know me, will know and understand.
Oh ya i notice most of these days, my posts are mostly quite negative. Am i stressing up or cause i'm tired of this world, specially at the handling of human relationship? I'm really confuse. I'm alway saying I'm not a pyschic but it seem like i keep asking for other human to understand me like they are pyschics. Am i being selfish at this too? Who knows, ever since after i learn some basic pyschology, i keep having difficulties understanding a human better. As i will think of other possibilities to their motivations or schemes if they treat me good or ignoring me.
Haiz think i will stop all these thinkings and get back to work ba. lol